In some cases people are only too eager to give advice on how to be more confident, but when it comes to the reality of overcoming shyness it’s a bit trickier than they make out. Having less confidence can have any number of factors, and once its engrained it can be hard to shake yourself out of. It’s not something that you can remedy overnight, but there are some things that can help.

There are often unhelpful thought patterns surrounding the feeling of shyness. These might be related to how you perceive yourself. Usually you can identify at least one unhelpful, and irrational, ‘fact’ that you keep telling yourself. This could be a phrase relating to your appearance, your voice, or your attitude towards people. The key thing is to identify this irrational belief so that you can go about getting rid of it.

In gestalt theory there is a basic practice known as a chair exercise that can help free up the way you think about yourself. Take yourself out of your chair, and leave yourself behind, then act as counsellor to yourself. Ask yourself what’s wrong and then prescribe the remedy – identify the problems of thinking, and what you need to do to overcome them.

This is just one example of a good visualisation technique. The general concept of strong visualisation is great for treating shyness. Picture yourself in the very situations that worry you, or that you have difficulty with, and mentally rehearse yourself succeeding. This may seem very simple, but as a daily practice it allows you to be prepared to succeed – you will be surprised at how well it can work.

The main thing to remember is that there are ways to deal with being shy. Even to say that ‘you’ are shy is an error. It’s not a fixed part of who you are, and it’s something that is in your power to control. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t seek outside help – in fact one of the best ways to get more confident is to use professional coaching or counselling. A lot of people are using this resource to improve their lives.

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